I have demons in me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
