you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
