I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
