Betty ford says i'm here all night
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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