good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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