We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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