I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize