Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
