half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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