Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
