No period for spring break; use this wisely.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
