You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
