I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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