I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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