I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
