Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
