Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
