he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
