A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize