recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
