I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
