He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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