Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
