I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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