Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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