Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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