I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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