you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
