you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
