you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
