before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize