we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
accomplished twins. life is a go
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
