No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
