Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
