If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
