I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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