she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
