dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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