So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
