There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
