I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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