I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
