It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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