dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
