just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
