remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
