you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
