youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
