I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
