Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
