Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
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I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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