that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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