Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
