you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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