Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize