Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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