When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
