I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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