in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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