I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
