Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
