I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
