worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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