I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
