Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
