This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
