every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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