Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
