How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
whose parrot is this?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
