I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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