Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
