i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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