Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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