I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
