I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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