I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You need Xanax blowdarts
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
