I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i was born a porn star she said
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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