At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
