i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
